Arrested Development, “Red Hairing”

Lindsey’s episode, “Red Hairing,” is full of political issues, wordplay, insults, and family drama, much like Lindsey herself. When we reunite with Lindsey in “Red Hairing”, she’s living in the desert with Marky Bark, a political activist, his horrid mother, and an ostrich named Cindy. Lindsey hates her life, but hates herself more for hating it. At the first chance, she scoops up Marky and Cindy, leaving his mother behind, and goes to live in her mother’s penthouse, which has been evacuated as Lucille is in jail.

One year later, the penthouse is a wreck due to the ostrich and Marky’s lifestyle. Lindsey’s been able to tolerate it because she’s secretly been visiting Lucille 2, who gives her clothes, a red wig, and Tres Leche Cake. “You’re like a mother to me,” says Lindsey happily, “only kind, and nice, and you let me eat.” She returns to the penthouse where Marky tells her about his crazy plan to explode a glitter and paint bomb at Herbert Love’s speaking engagement.

Marky Bark in blue and LindseyLindsey’s on the fence about it, which leads to an argument, but since Cindy the ostrich is in heat, it’s whispered. Marky leaves and Lindsey flips through the mail to find a check for Maeby with the line “Gangy 4: Facelift”, which enrages her, as she truly seems to think Maeby is gorgeous just the way she is, which she then tells Lucille when Lindsey visits her in jail.

Lucille manages to make Lindsey feel even worse about herself by telling her that she’s more like Lucille than she knows. This prompts Lindsey to back Marky’s plan, and she disguises herself with a red wig (a red hairing!) to enter Herbert Love’s event in, get this, Beverly Hills. While bagging some coconut shrimp, she meets her father, who is looking for a redhead and greenbacks while taking some coconut shrimp. He pries Maeby’s check from Lindsey’s hands, and leaves after also suggesting Maeby have some work done. Lindsey turns and sees Maeby, also stealing coconut shrimp, and tells her about her political activist boyfriend and the glitter bomb.

Maeby is confused by the feelings of respect for her mother, but it quickly dissolves after she tells her mother what she’s doing, attending an event where she’ll be presented with a Lifetime Achievement Award and Lindsey sighs and walks away, saying, “Tell your therapist I tried.” She bumps into Herbert Love, who can’t resist a redhead, and they start flirting. Of course, Lindsey doesn’t know who he is and gives him a false name, combining the ostrich with Tobias’ ridiculous stint as an English nanny: “Cindy Featherbottom”.

Lindsey and Herbert LoveShe misses letting Marky out before the bomb explodes, and he exits the podium completely blue from the paint. Maeby sees this and says, “You certainly have a type.” She also tells her mother she’s a whore after she discovers that Lindsey’s been flirting with the politically conservative Herbert Love, who was then holding a press conference about putting up a wall. Herbert gets Lindsey some jewelry, which she thinks is the sign her shaman was talking about, and joins his campaign after a hotel hookup where she says he reminds her of Tobias, as they finish each other’s…”sandwiches!” he proclaims, lifting the lid on their room service.

Lindsey returns to the penthouse and discovers an eviction notice, but not before Michael sees her red hair and, without realizing it’s her, declares “Gentlemen, start your engines.”

Unfortunately, Marky used shrapnel-grade glitter and is in jail, since he couldn’t get out of the podium because GOB made sure the door was stuck in an attempt to sabotage Tony Wonder, prompting Lindsey to ask a favor from Michael, who gets her signature on the movie rights while promising to see Warden Gentles about releasing Marky. Lindsey goes to stay with Maeby in the Sudden Valley development and this, in turn, allows Maeby to turn into Lindsey’s pimp, setting her up for a date with Herbert Love.

This gets awkward when she tries to get into the Balboa Club, where Michael’s already at a table with Rebel Alley, another “red hairing”. An awkward double date ensues, where Michael and Lindsey have an awkward hug that turns from side to side as they hiss their made up stories to each other. Rebel and Herbert do not hit it off, ensuring an early night for all of them, just after Michael tells George Michael that he’s too busy to meet up, still hurt at George Michael’s rejection.

“Red Hairing” implodes gloriously at Cinco De Cuatro as Lindsey finds out that Marky has a real bomb to put on Herbert Love’s boat. Herbert says they can’t see each other anymore and offers her a “severance package” which she tries to throw back in his face, but apparently has no muscle memory that lets her throw money away.

Herbert Love and Lindsey FunkeLindsey and Lucille square off once again, and Lucille finally narrows it down for Lindsey: “You’re a blonde, waspy Orange County princess who doesn’t care about anyone but herself.” Lindsay scoffs, but Lucille reminds her, “I’m a Bluth, and so are you.” With this Parthian shot, Lucille exits and Lindsey wanders off to find Lucille Austero for a job. Lucille 2 has already hired Sally Sitwell in Lindsey’s absence, who has scandalous pictures of Herbert Love and an unnamed redhead.

Lindsey attempts to fend off any scandal by deciding to color her fling with Herbert as sexual harassment, but instead finds herself an encouraging crowd when she begins to talk of building a wall, which was Lucille’s idea in the first place.

At the end of “Red Hairing”, “On the next Arrested Development”, we see Lindsey in a strikingly Lucille-like getup, promising to run in Herbert’s place, as Herbert is in a coma, presumably from the explosion.

Like mother, like daughter.

K.M. Cone

K.M. Cone

K.M. Cone is a story nerd, particularly for the episodic stories told via the medium of television. When not parked in front of the TV, K.M. Cone can be found writing kooky urban fantasy on her personal site, attempting to learn German, or making a huge pot of soup for her friends, who are probably coming over to join her in her latest TV or animated film obsession.
K.M. Cone

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