By K.M. Cone | Staff Writer Published: 07/07/2013 10:00 am EST
Publish date: July 3, 2013 Publisher: Dark Horse Comics
Something happens to me when I read Axe Cop. I look at the front cover and get a big, goofy grin on my face. I turn into a five-year-old again and shriek with laughter over the antics and exceptionally slick drawings of Axe Cop and his team chopping up bad guys.
That’s the best thing about Axe Cop: He really does take away your inhibitions, suspend your disbelief, and give you one hell of a ride. I think Axe Cop has proven there’s a five-year-old inside all of us, just waiting to unleash the majestic visions of grandeur we entertained all those years ago playing with our favorite toys.
I fully embrace every storyline, every character, every great line that comes out of Axe Cop’s mouth, maybe because it is written by a kid. Malachai Nicolle, now eight years old, tells the Axe Cop stories to his older brother Ethan Nicolle, who draws them, a fantastic combination of wild abandon and talent. Axe CopVol. 4 might be the greatest Axe Cop to date, based on the artwork alone (although the story is…well, it’s absolutely incredible).
The adventure begins when Axe Cop wakes up from a recurring nightmare about a talking gorilla. He is now President of the World and decides there needs to be a Capital of the World and it will be called Axeville. He renames Oakville, Washington and when asked if there will be any more bad guys, he says he’ll ask God. So he prays.
After receiving a visitor who needs his help, Axe Cop hears from God: There’ll be one million years of peace, and then bad guys from space will attack. In an interview, he gets asked about what will happen when the bad guys show up: “What will your reaction be?”
“Well, Bob,” says Axe Cop, “basically, I’ll kill every single one of them. NEXT QUESTION.”
I may or may not have shouted in appreciation of the epic delivery of that line.
However, at the end of the million years, the bad guys don’t show up. At least not until the next morning, after Axe Cop sent the good guys to the past to fight more bad guys. Whoops. We are then treated to a two-page spread of an attack on Seattle by all the bad guys, including a Chee-Rex (a cheetah crossed with a t-rex) on a motorcycle.
It is awesome.
The next section begins with the story of two robot brothers who want to become the most evil beings in the galaxy. They blow up their planet and join the bad guys fighting Axe Cop in Seattle. The good guys are outnumbered a jillion to three, until the bad guys get mad because they were promised by an evil scientist that they would get to fight all the good guys. They decide to visit the mad scientist and kill him for lying, so he pushes the Big Red Button and kills most of them.
The robots send the Space Needle to kill God but Axe Cop redirects it to impale Satan (unfortunately, Satan cannot be killed this way). The robots figure that to be the worst bad guys, they need to kill Satan. So they kidnap the Water Queen (one of the few girls that Axe Cop does not think is dumb) and drill down to Hell.
The robots are now more powerful than ever, and must compete with Axe Cop in a Bounce-Off, which of course Axe Cop wins. The prize? A Golden Mustache, which he uses to spy on the mad scientist creating Everyman, the worst villain ever, because he can turn into EVERYTHING AT ONCE.
The section ends with aliens deciding they’re going to be President of the World (the position that Axe Cop holds) so they can tell everyone to end their lives, thereby destroying Earth.
If you think that can’t be topped, just wait.
Axe Cop isn’t very artistic, so the army of stick figures he draws aren’t good fighters. He finds a pencil that will draw for him in order to create more soldiers to fight the Goo-rilla (exactly what it sounds like) and Everyman.
Axe Cop decides that he wants Everyman on his team, so he goes to fight the mad scientist to win loyalty of the Everyman and Goo-rilla.
After defeating the mad scientist and utilizing Uni-Man to create a potion to makes the bad guys turn into good guys, Axe Cop outwits the aliens who were trying to get everyone to kill themselves, but to tell you how would be to give away the biggest spoiler of all. So I won’t.
But it’s awesome.
Suffice it to say, it would behoove you to scoot your butt down to the comic shop and purchase this gem before everyone starts trying to tell you all the good parts. You’ll want to see them for yourself.
You’ll also want to tune in on July 27 at 11pm to see FOX’s animated adaptation, with Nick Offerman himself lending vocals to the mustachioed policeman.